She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
