After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
