honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Randomize
