dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
