i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
