So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
