worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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