Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
