The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
