Only a mothe r could love this liver
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
