so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
