He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
