Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
