This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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