Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
