I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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