I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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