where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
