Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
