i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
