She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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