I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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