I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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