I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
