I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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