Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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