Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize