Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
