i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
