I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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