After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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