So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
