I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
