Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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