I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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