I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
