I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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