I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
