It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
