Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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