your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
