I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
