I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
