oh god the rape fog is back!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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