You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
