I wish I could teleport
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
