She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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