HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
