Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
