so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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