some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
