I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
