I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
