the condom got lost in my hair
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
