I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
