We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
