I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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