Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
