Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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