I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
