remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize