i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
this hospital has no fireball
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
