i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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