his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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