Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
