Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
