Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
