careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
